Covid-19 and Connecting to Others- Part 1

By: Dr. Tiffany Ruelaz

What are some strategies for maintaining connections with others during this pandemic? 

This pandemic has been incredibly hard on most people (though not everyone, despite what the media would lead us to believe). As a therapist, one of the most common struggles I am seeing people go through is staying away from friends and family. The way I see Covid-19 distancing is like a spectrum. Meaning, some people have been staying in their houses and having very little contact with people, while others have been living their lives as usual. This difference in reactions is coming from many different places, and not everyone can see all the different thought processes. This has lead to people isolating from some, but not all, which has impacted friendships and relationships. This is especially difficult for people who have trouble with assertive communication. I know the question is asking about strategies to maintain connections. I think that a big part of this is understanding why you might be unable to maintain connections with many of the people you are used to having those connections with. I am going to break this down by categories (despite this being a spectrum), and then give tips at the end of each category for how those types of people can connect to one another. Check out my part 2 for more “types.”
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1. Nonchalant/Laissez-faire:

If you are in this category (or know people in this category- which I believe all of us do) it is most likely due to a few different reasons.  
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​Rural areas 

Many people live in rural areas that have not been too affected by Covid-19. Due to this, it becomes more difficult to care about what the CDC or government is constricting because it does not pertain to them nearly as much. Now, this has definitely not been all rural areas. The issue with this can easily turn from “It doesn’t affect us” to “Our entire town has it” very quickly for those areas and the lack of precautions (See this for Susceptibility). Some towns recognize this and have been taking higher precautions since the beginning. Other towns have allowed the virus to come and then go, and others have yet to be impacted by it. Unlike cities, the people in rural areas do not get as much traffic from out of town people, and thus have lower chances of getting infected. Due to this, if you are around these areas, it is likely they do not see the need to change their lifestyles or wear masks, because it is barely (if at all) affecting them. Check this out at the CDC website on Rural areas.
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Testimonials:

“After speaking with multiple people in rural areas (in Arizona) I have received different responses (not all nonchalant). Here are some testimonials I have heard.”

“My husband is so sick he can no longer go to our local stores because no one is willing to wear masks out here.”

“If you are going to come into my [establishment], you are gonna look stupid wearing a mask, no one around here does that unless they are sheeple.” (This comment sounded almost the same coming from three different people/places.)

“I prefer going to the cities to shop because people there wear masks and seem to be taking this more seriously. I like to shop local to keep my business here, but I just can’t risk it right now.”

​“Two of our teachers died because of this, it has been really difficult for our town, and it’s crazy that people still don’t believe it.”

​“People die all the time, the flu has killed significantly more people, and this is no where near as bad. The city [people] can wear their masks and shut their businesses down, but we aren’t going to.”

​“I talked to my doctor friend and they said the masks are just a breeding ground for bacteria, and if we want to get Covid, wearing those things is a great way to do it!”

​What to do:

​If you are looking to connect with someone who lives in a rural area, look up their rates and statistics for Covid-19 infection. If the rates are low to none, then make sure you are not going to infect them. The main reason it will hit these towns is by people coming from the cities who may be carriers. If you know you are not infected, and their town has not been hit- go hang out with them. These are the safest people you could probably see, despite a lack of mask wearing! If you are in a rural area and are concerned about hanging out with other people in your same area, I think it is important to follow Dr. Mike’s rules on “Be alert not anxious.” Check the rates of your town before going out without a mask. Check-in with the people you plan to hang out with to see if they have been to the city any time in the past 3 -5 days. Ask if they took precautions when going to the city. If they have been to those places, but refused to wear masks, see below.  

Check the number of COVID-19 cases in each county on the Arizona Department of Health Services’s website.

Information and rights (Freedom/distrust of media).

Many of the people in the rural areas listed above also fall into this category. However, I would put them in the rural category first and foremost, just with a bit more caution here. People in this category are weary of the media, especially due to political viewpoints. They recognize that the media heavily skews left and often does not report unbiased truth. This leads them to be distrusting of almost everything they see. However, what some do not often realize, is that they more easily trust things that say the opposite of what mainstream media is saying, without much proof. This is definitely not everyone. Many people in this category make informed decisions based on their lived experiences (perhaps they drew a conclusion that masks do not help because they/someone they knew were wearing a mask and still got it, or they spoke to a doctor who told them the masks cause a warm environment in front of your mouth creating the perfect breeding ground for germs and Covid-19). Political views can polarize us very quickly and cause a lot of fear. A global pandemic is the perfect excuse for fear-mongering. Many people in this category will be here because they feel their freedoms are being taken away and they do not agree with this level of government control (whether local, state, or federal control). Check out this article from an Idaho professor that provides more detail.  
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Testimonials:

“We don’t believe any of that [stuff] they are talking about on the media. They are just trying to scare everyone. If it is going to come, let everyone get it and then we will be okay.”

“It is my body and my right as an American to wear what I want to wear. I am not going to let the government control me!”

“I am not going to let scared people tell me how to live my life and what I can and can’t do! I don’t think this is a big deal, just wash your hands like you should have already been doing and we will all be fine.”

“It’s dumb that we have to change our whole lives for [this], when really it is just a way for the government and the liberals to put more control on us.”

“I can’t believe people are just letting the government and media tell them what to do, and because of it, my 8-yr.-old daughter has to wear a mask when we go to the grocery store. It should be up to me, as her parent, to decide this. It’s just not right.”

​What to do:

Regardless if you agree or disagree with the thought process behind turning something based on health and research into something political, the best way to approach this is to recognize we all have different beliefs, and that is okay. If you are in this category, be careful not to put others down because you think they are “sheeple,” or are uninformed. Instead, just recognize that they have a difference of opinion and it may keep them away from you in person for a while, but you can still hang out virtually! If you are not in this category, but a best friend or family member is, ask them if they are willing to hang out with you for a short amount of time, at a distance (such as hanging at a park, or going for a small hike together). Perhaps having a distance picnic. Or, if they will make an exception to government control and appease you “just for now” by wearing a mask for your peace of mind. If they are unwilling to do this, that’s okay! Don’t make them feel bad for their beliefs say “Let’s schedule a time to catch up virtually” (using Teams, Meets, Zoom, Facetime, Skype, or any other easy access video platforms!).   
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​My life couldn’t change due to still having to work 

While people can very easily be in this category, along with the other two (which is often happening), many people had to continue to go to their actual workplace. This means they interact with other people on a daily basis, no matter what the CDC was saying at any given moment in time. Another reason is that they lost their job near the beginning and had to start a new job working around the public. Healthcare workers, first responders, police officers, grocery store workers, truck drivers, mechanics, fast food and regular restaurant workers, construction workers, and many more needed to continue to keep our economy and our system running and functioning! I actually do not know a single person who is not grateful for this (though I do know some of these workers who will minimize the effort this took to continue through the country’s shutdown). These people may have felt the impact of the country shutting down since they no longer could go out to their favorite places. Parks and trails were overcrowded, they no longer had access to as many of their coping skills, and their kids got sent home. However, 5 or so days per week, they were living life practically like normal (and probably even significantly busier at work). Because the majority of their life did not see a major change (they still had to get up, get dressed, and go through the grind). They never fully made the shift in their mindset of how serious it might be, and that was actually better for them (for the ones who had to shift their mindset check this out). They are out there every day and may not be feeling the effects as heavily as those wrapped up in the numbers, or watching the news every day. Many people in this category are the first to feel the changes of “safety” because, for their jobs to stay open, they have had to adjust and implement new features of safety.  

Note: Due to the media being heavily biased, it was very difficult to find articles supporting this common frame of mind, that I have heard time and time again from my clients and others. Know that more weight can be placed on the testimonials below due to this.
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​Testimonials:

“I don’t have the luxury of working from home, I still have to get out there and go to work and I’m just fine.”

“I have to go to work and be around people. I come home and at first had to stay away from my family, and sit in a specific chair. Now, I just make sure I change my clothes and take a shower and feel comfortable enough to be around my family.”

“My life didn’t really change since I still have to get up and leave every day. My kids are home, yeah, that has been really hard because they should just go back to school. If I have to go to work they should have to go to school. I don’t see the reason for them to be home and now I have to pay for extra child care.”

“I want to be safe, but I don’t really have a choice. I have to feed my family.”

​What to do:

If you are in this category, or want to hang out with someone in this category, take some precaution. Know that having access to more people on a daily basis does put you at a higher risk, however the job has more than likely implemented safety precautions due to this. If you are hoping to hang out with someone working with the public, be assertive. Let them know you are not asking to be intrusive or mean in any way, just to be alert and not anxious. Ask them what precautions (if any) they take at work and then once they are home. Ask them if they are willing to wear a mask around you and keep some distance, and if not, then ask if they can meet with you virtually. If you are in this category, and have been annoyed by the questions, or are also in one of the other two aforementioned categories, have some patience with the people asking as their mindset had to shift at the beginning and their whole world did change (also read below to understand them a little better).    

In Part 2, I will be discussing the “types” of people who are doing some distancing but not overly distanced, as well as those who have been attempting to shelter in place completely.

We are all dealing with this together, and most of us have totally different versions of what it means to be “risky.” No matter what your thoughts are on this, you can still find ways to hang out with friends and family. The more flexible you are with understanding other people might be in different categories, the more likely they will be to hang out with you. Instead of judging other people’s version of risk, or getting defensive when someone thinks you are not “safe enough” instead, work to brainstorm ways to hang out with one another based on your different risk levels.